The holidays are often seen as a time for family. From carrying out beloved traditions to gathering for delicious meals and uniting for treasured celebrations, it’s common for us to spend more time with the ones we love this season.
That’s why, for many foster children, the holidays are tough to get through. Foster children can and will feel strong, complex emotions about their circumstances at any time of the year, but these emotions (like deep sadness, grief, worry, or uncertainty) can become especially intense right now.
If you’re a foster parent, we want to help you help your foster child feel welcomed, valued, and loved as they navigate the holidays with your family. After all, knowing that they belong is vital to every child’s well-being.
Here are some practical, heartfelt tips to help your foster child feel accepted, comfortable, and loved throughout the holiday season.
1. Listen and Acknowledge Your Foster Child’s Feelings
Before diving into holiday activities, take time to talk with your foster child about how they’re feeling. The holidays can evoke a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, or confusion. Let them know it’s okay to feel however they are feeling and that you understand where they are coming from. Validating their emotions helps build trust and reassures them that they don’t have to hide their feelings to be accepted. Plus, it becomes easier for them to build that connection and feel like they are becoming more a part of your family.
GCC Suggestion: Avoid forcing your foster child to participate in your family’s events or traditions, if possible. Allow your foster child to engage at their own pace.
2. Involve Your Foster Child in a Lot of the Planning and Decorating
Giving your foster child a voice in holiday plans is an easy way to help them feel included. Ask their opinion about decorations, meals, or what activities they enjoy doing this time of year. Even small choices like where the ornaments should go, which types of cookies to bake, or what wrapping paper to use for gifts can give them a sense of ownership and belonging.
If your family has long-standing traditions, consider blending them with some of your foster child’s favorite traditions. You may even be able to introduce a “new tradition” each year that your foster child helps create. This sends a powerful message that they are undoubtedly part of your family.
GCC Suggestion: Don’t force your child to share their family traditions. Some children have negative emotions about the holidays with their biological families, and some may want to keep their traditions private. Feeling forced to share could put unnecessary stress or frustration on your child. Just make sure your child knows they are free to share at any time.
3. Learn About Your Foster Child’s Background and Incorporate It Into Your Activities
Every child’s history matters. If your foster child comes from a different cultural, religious, or family background, learn about the traditions and try to incorporate them into your celebrations.
For example, you can:
- Cook one of their favorite holiday dishes.
- Play music from their culture.
- Perform rituals or ceremonial practices from their religion or culture.
These gestures show deep respect for who they are and where they come from, helping them feel seen and accepted.
GCC Suggestion: If your foster child doesn’t want to share too much about their culture or religion, do some research and ask if they would want you to prepare a common cultural dish (like latkes if your foster child is Jewish) or perform a common religious ritual (like attending Christmas Mass if your foster child is Catholic).
4. Keep Your and Your Foster Child’s Expectations Realistic
The holidays often come with high expectations for joy and togetherness. However, your foster child may not be ready to express gratitude or excitement right now. And that’s okay. Healing takes time.
Give your child the space to experience the holidays without pressure. Let them know that their feelings, whatever they are, are safe in your home. Patience, compassion, and consistency will speak louder than any gift you give.
5. Create New, Simple Traditions Together
Children in foster care may not have had consistent or positive holiday memories. Creating new traditions together that emphasize connection can help establish in them a sense of stability and joy.
Ideas for creating unique traditions include:
- Making homemade ornaments with everyone’s name on them and hanging them on the tree.
- Starting a “gratitude jar” where each family member writes down something they’re thankful for every day and places the paper in the jar to be read aloud together on a chosen date.
- Volunteering as a family at a soup kitchen or toy drive to give back to others in the community.
These shared experiences can help your foster child associate the holidays with comfort, love, and safety.
GCC Suggestion: Check in with your foster child to make sure they are enjoying what they are doing with your family. Give them the space to say what’s working and what’s not, and invite them to help you think of other options that they would be more interested in trying. It’s not that your child should be “running the show,” so to speak, but allowing them to have a voice in the holiday festivities can help them connect better with your family.
6. Celebrate Connection, Not Comparison
When extended family or friends are involved in a holiday get-together, make sure no one is treating your foster child differently from the other children in the family. Ask family members to label gifts equally, include them in family photos, and introduce them proudly as part of your family.
GCC Suggestion: Prepare relatives in advance about how to behave around your foster child. Be sure to also share how important it is for them to help your foster child feel welcomed. Small gestures from others, such as remembering their name, engaging in conversation, and ensuring they have a seat at the table, can go a long way.
7. Keep Routines Steady and Predictable
With all the excitement of the holidays, schedules can easily get disrupted. For children in foster care, this can stir up feelings of uncertainty or anxiety. Keep regular routines as much as possible, including bedtimes, meals, and quiet time. Doing so will help your foster child feel more secure.
GCC Suggestion: Help your foster child prepare for changes in routine by explaining upcoming events or activities in the week. Visual schedules or countdown calendars can be comforting tools to rely on, especially for younger children.
8. Strive to Be Generous With Your Time and Patience
It can be challenging to balance your holiday schedule, prioritize your family’s needs, and dedicate extra attention to your foster child. But, more than anything, your child needs to feel safe and loved. Make time for quiet, one-on-one moments, like reading a book, baking, or taking a walk together. These small, consistent acts of attention help your foster child feel valued and loved.
The greatest gift you can offer this holiday season isn’t going to be found wrapped under the tree. It’s going to be the sense of belonging your child will feel when they know that they are being genuinely cared for.
Give a Foster Child the Gift of Belonging This Season and Every Season. Become a Foster Parent With Generational Child Care Today: 478-477-1289
At Generational Child Care, we believe every child deserves a family where they are known, loved, and accepted. Whether you’re fostering in Middle Georgia or anywhere across Georgia, you’re not alone on this journey. Together, we can turn the holidays into a time of healing and hope for every foster child.
Become a foster parent or learn more by calling 478-477-1289 or emailing us at info@generationalchildcare.com.
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